Right, It is 6.am on day 7. I haven't so much got up, as given up. THe same dream with different settings, keeps waking me up, and now I can't be bothered to go back to sleep. I need to get this out of my system, and maybe later I will get my head down.
I keep dreaming that she is tring to get back together, or that we haven't been apart, of just of her. That she has brought the kids back to me, that she is in full on vamp mode, seductress supreme for my benefit once again. It is the first time I have dreamt like that, and it was horrible.
I woke up and for a minuite thought that the lump in the bed next to me was youngest - she had a habit of comming into our bed, of cuddling up in the wee small hours - but it wasn't, it was just the Dog.
Now I am sittuing here thinking Does she crawl into their bed, does she cuddle up to HIM when she is at work, He can't do that, that is my Job.
Right now, I would give anythiung to have that cuddle.
Right, That is out. There are other thoughts to, happier ones. Stuff that fills my head as I go to sleep Possible futures, Happiness, stuff at at the moment gives me reason to smile, and think that life wll improve. Stuff I want to scream at the top of my lungs from the rooftops, but I will shout that another time. Right now, It is good that it is my stuff, and mine alone.
Look, I am smiling again
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