Thursday, 8 January 2009

The only way is up

I was thinking about things, on the Bus today, about how I was going to look back on these post in a years time, and wonder if Things ever got so bleak, when I was hit by another piece of bad news - I was laid off.
Thats it, then, things have officially reached their lowest ebb. Just after speaking to the mediation guy, who said not to expect instant contact from her, and having once again to bare my soul and tell all, I get a phone call, I asked whyy they wanted to see me, even though I knew what it was, and they told me. I don't blame them, tough desisisioms have to me made.
In a way a descision has been made for me - the how do I balance sorting this situation out whilst fighting to impress and keep my job. I now don't have to worry about that, but can move on. - Where to, that is the problem.
So, right now I am in a low place, everything has changed in that I haven't got that security too fall back on, I n less than a week, my happy life has turned upside down completely.
I don't know weather I hate her, or weather I just feel nothing. After 13 years, and two children, the ultimate beytrayal was not the leaving, but the fact that she couldn't sit down and discuss things like Adults, but had to go behind my back, and let me catch her in the act of taking her stuff.
Its the fact that this will change my relationship with the kids that I find hardest. to me a father is someone who works, comes home, plays etc with the kids, tucks them in, and is a day-to day part of there lives. It's an all in situation. I now have to adapt to a different kind of fatherhood, and at the moment I don't know how to do that.
She didn't have to do that. We could have sorted it out in a way where both agreed on what to do and how we were going to do it, but she showed me scant respect. What else will wait down the line....

onwards and upwards Ronnie, onwards and upwards...

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