Well, The events going on at the moment, which I can't go into here, are leaving me scared, frightened, and angry.
I am scared, because I could end up losing everything - That is what is attempting to happen.
I am angry because words have been twisited, that events made to be worse than they were perhaps, but more at myself....
why myself? well, The root cause of my problems is me...and my temper. There, I've admitted it. It is all my fault. 90% of the time, I am the nicest, Mildest person you ever want to meet. that is the real me. BUT When I blow, Iblow big time.That is my problem. I am scary. I frighten people. I come across as the monster I am not the rest of the time. That is why I am trying to seek help, but the couselling service keeps putting off my appointments. SO I have to try and deal with it myself. Which can be tough when everything is going against me - Job, house, and of course the situation regarding my kids. I am such a wound up spring at the moment because everything is going wrong, that the monster awakes more and more. If I could put him to sleep, I would, but when people refuse to dicuss things reasonably, I can't help it, I blow more now than ever. That is my fault. despite all the lies and BS that is going on, I can't deny that once again, my temper has got the better of me.
Frightened, yes frightened that I won't get to grips with this, and that It will occur again with.....I can't let that happen. I HAVE to get to grips with this, before it destroys everything.