Well, some big happenings in my world at the moment, that are having my head in a spin.
Firstly, I may have a Job at last - Got a weeks trial in a couple of weeks, so fingers crossed that will be and I get taken on permenantly.
Secondly, The whole thing with the Community punishment has been sorted out, and I have to do unpaid work in a local charity shop, once a week for the next 18 months or so...My fault really, Its the whole temper issue I have which overboiled. People played me knowing the reaction I would give, and much to my shame I didn't dissapoint. That will raise a whole series of issues with seeing the kids, just gotta work through them
And then there is V. The woman that means sooo much to me right now, Who just takes me for who I am, doesn't judge, just keeps being there. She is down this weekend - The first steps in a journey taking us who knows where ...but I know I am gonna enjoy the ride.
So, why do I keep losing it a bit when It comes to my girls - Why can't I help myself, when I start talking to G with the best intentions, and end up all twisted and bitter about the arrangements with the kids? Is it because I am scared of losing them? Jelouse that D has them whenever he wantts, but G won't give me that same luxery? Or feeling usurped in the father role? perhaps all three. Gods, I need my cousellor next week - that will do me some good.