Monday, 16 March 2009


OK, so why can't I let things be when it comes to the girls??? Why am I getting angry with G when I try to talk rationally about them. She says that she doesn't spend enough time with them...wel that is nonsense - sahe has them more often that I do, the fact that the evil one wants them once a month still is not my fault and not my problem. I would have said tough shit to her if it was my P's - things have changed and that means that the rules have to be rewritten. - I am bending backwards for her at the mo - taking time out of my weekend with the kids to let her have the girly bridesmaid dress with my sis - that is something that I had NO hesitation in doing. So why is she turning me down when I asked for one day, not even that, one meal with the girls extra??? I don't want to be angry and arsey over this - it is the only part of the situation that still rubs me raw - SHE left for her new fella, I am cool with that. SHE took the kids away, and is being arsey about be spending time with them - that I can't cope with at all. I am so frightened of losing them - of losing the relationship I have with them, and IAM THE INJURED PARETY HERE. it wasn't me that walked out on them - she had no bloody right to take my girls with her - it was her desisicion to leave, and that was that. I am trying to dealwith it all, but I hate the fact that I haven't got that everyday relationship with them , and also jelous as hell about the amount of time that D is able to spend with his - I WANT THE SAME TREATMENT. why canb't I....why are yopu trying to push me out of their lives - that is what it is beginning to feel like. I will tyry and remain calm when i talk to her about them...but it will not be easy.I need to try - if i am calmer, then things will return nicely again.

(Missing someone soo much right now)

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