Right, So here the deal, I asked an old Manager for a reference for my uni app last week. this is a manager that I respected and respected me, and worked alonside for a long time, and went she went through issues with her hubby and daughter, I listened, consoled and covered for occasionly. I asked her a week ago, and on friday got a call to ask a few things, and she said that she was writing it. It is now wednesday, and nothing back yet.
My first reaction is to be angry with her. WHOA THERE RONNIE!! STEP AWAY FROM THAT WHOOP ASS CAN FOR A SEC! TAKE A BREATH AND THINK! I am not angry, I am frustrated, and getting anxious as this is the last thing I am waiting for before this form is done. Anger is an emotional response to the frustration and anxiety, and a very dangerous one. Responding to the referee with anger will not get me anywhere, it will, in fact, blow the chances of getting the reference. Anger destroys everything it touches, and is a sign that you have lost control of your emeotions. Calm detachment is required - a walk with the dog for a while, then give her a call. and explain the urgency of this is what is required.
And that is the issue, too many times in the past, I have immediatly responded to frustration with anger, and it has been a bad thing for me. now, when I feel anger, I try and pause, identify what I am really feeling is frustration, and find other ways of dealing with that frustration apart from resorting to anger. It works! I am a lot calmer, and am a lot better at dealing levelheadly with shit than I used to.
(Still get the feeling that someone is dealing from the bottom of the deck again though)