Ok, so what, Life can get in the way if it wants to.

OK, a lot to catch up on, I have been very remiss about posting on here of late, mainly because life has a habit of sneaking up on me, catching me unawares, and leaving me precious little time for this.

So, went to court , got more time with the girls, which is great, but still supervised, which is less so. It is putting a strain on an already strained relationship with my parents, I mean, I am grateful to them for doing this, but with them it always comes with a condition or many attached - I find myself, at 37, having to justify why I am who I am, why I have not curled up in a darkened room every night, why I have a social life, and that is beginning to piss me off big time. But still, It's only once a fortnight, and that is bearable I suppose.

What came with the court was her statement, which is as big a work of fiction as any contender for the Booker prize. In order to defend myself, I have to resort to dragging her through the mud, again, I have to justify everything, It seams that since the events of the 2nd jan, she can use that as a reason for everything. I am disgusted as well, by what I have been hearing about what i going on, or perceived to be going on, by the community about those three, and the fact that my kids are exposed to it is worrying me greatly. I am hoping that when all the reports are done and dusted, the truth Will come out, and things can get better.

Work is, well, work, although new opportunities may be presenting themselves, which would be good.

As to the female situation, well, I don't know what is going on, but I am going to have fun finding out.

Three big events coming up, firstly, the midsummer solstice celebrations at the long man on Sunday. I missed the Beltane - kids visit day, but I am looking forward to going back. Then, beginning of July, I finally get to meet in person the woman who I count as my best mnate - Even though we have shared tears, laughter, (and that confusion months ago) - that we talk/text/msn daily, and are very close, we have never actually met. I am looking forward to it. And finally, 5 weeks time, I will be in Harrogate, at the Theakstons old peculiar crime festival. I can't wait. So many new and old faces to see, and so many writers up there, It is going to be the highlight of the year so far for me.

Well, I will try and not leave it so long until I post again, so, take care, enjoy yourselves and above all, find one thing oin your day to make you smile.

The Nature of the Beast*

So, back to the Blog. And a thought, that has stayed my hand for the past couple of months. THis is supposed to be my thoughts, my coping with it all, and yet If I write about stuff on here, and people read it, and get upset, or even worse, use it against me, how do I react when I I am talking about stuff on here that maybe should remain private. Well, I have wrastled with this problem for days now, and come to this conclusion, Nothing I say on here is nothing I am afraid to say to there faces, so If I post ity on here, you know about it already. If you don't like it, don't read it.....

So, whats been happening in Ronnieland of late. Well, the girls fiorst. I am kinda settling down into the routine of seeing them as and how I do. I miss them terribly, and worry about them, I am still not happy with their livingarrangements, BUT I can't do anything about it for now, so I ave to sit tight, and try not to let it worry me, it is not going to consuke me anymore, I have my life to lead, and I ned to stride towards it, not dwell on what I am missing - Wu Wei - go with the flow.

So, What has been happening? well, job going well, and I am enjoying it , which is good. And so onto to the personal life....lets just say that someone new has entered my life in a big way, and I haven't stopped grinning all week. Lets see eh.

(* Sorry smudge mate, appropiate title)

Things are Moving

OK, So, got my draft Divorce papers through today, things are beginning to happen, and that is giving me a good feeling right now. I am happier that I have been for years, if the truth be told. (apart from the situation with my girls of course)

The one thing I have gained out of all of this is good freinds. To all of you, I say thanks. My only problem is the majotity of them are scatterred far and wide, soo meeting up "in the flesh" is hard. That will have to change when I am down to 5 day weeks. I will have to spend some time just VISITING people.thanks to the wonders of tinternet, I able able to spend my evenings in fantastic company, but sometimes you need to actually see people in the flesh.

Still, I now while away the most of my evenings on Poker on F/b. All for fun of course, and a new bunch of peeps that I am glad to have freinds. John, Bry, chelle, Carla, kelly jim and Karen, great bunch all. Ta to Vix for introducing me. Again, all scattered, but hey, its a fun way to spend the evening.

well, other stuff going well, all in all ....you know what...I'm happy!!

an update

Sorry peeps, I have not been as often posting on here of late. Truth is, I have nothing much to say. Work is going OK, a lot to absorb, quickly, and now the real test begins, turning in results. I am confident there.
I miss the girls terribly, one afternoon a fortninght is not enough time to spend with them, But again, I have to bite down hard on all of that, and play their game, at l;east until common sense can prevail again. I hate the three of them for what they have done to me, and I will grab with both hands the chance to watch hthe hoisted by their own petard. Time will out, and the truth will come out, and then, well, I look forward to that moment,.
Apart from that, life is ticking nicly. Spend far too much time on facebook, and on Poker in the evenings, no money, don't panic, butt it is a fun way to relax, and chat to new and existing freinds.
Because that really is what it is all about, freinds. People who laugh, cry and support each other, and I am lucky to have such good ones.

Well, I'm sitting here enjoying a rare treat - have treated myself to kebab and chips, because I feel I desrve it. It's bben a hard week - so much to learn, take in and do in the new job leaves me all but fried by the time I get home. Plus myy day off is spent working because I have to, unpaid, so I don't get much time off.
My life is still governed partly by the lies from the liers mouth, unless I get proof of what she says I doubt it all. It's safer that way and I would rather deal with it that way from the outset, than pretend it's truthe truth, untill it kicks me up the arse later.
I am slowly starting to sort the dosh related stuff out, easier now I have a job, so less worries on my mind.

So what else has been happening??? Well lets just say the grin on my face has got larger this week, because, well, lets just sayy that things are right again, that I am not afraid to walk down that road with someone, because hell, the journey as just as good as the detination, esp when it is with a foxy lady like her. AS for down the line, who knows, lets just enjoy the moment.

(done it again, WAY to much Kebab. never mind. Jake loves kebab esp with chilli sauce, so he has enjoyed it too.)

Started to draw aces again.

yesyesyesyes

Celebrations are in order her? WHY

I HAVE A JOB

Yup, a job. at last. earning my way ion the world. Not gonna say too much about it, you know how I like things to be anonymouse.

now the bad. Eldest had an op tody - grommits fitted. She needed them, and came through ok, as I expected, but is it selfish of me to want to be there? maybe. Just one of those thiongs I suppose. I will get over it, remember, "WHAT DON'T KILL YOU MAKES YOU MORE STRONG" and, well, in the words of gammer weatherwax..."I AINTENT DEAD" SO HA.

I know I haven't posted anything for a while - a naff internet connection over the weekend and life getting in the way saw to that sadly.
So, Sunday, saw my girls and seeing them again on Thursday. That is good - at least I am seeing them again, albeit not in a way that I am entirely confortable with, but I have to put up with that and play by theiir rules....for now. Once the silly shit is over, and the lies seen for what they are, things can start to change.
I also have had to make big descisions, which doesn't sit comfortably with me, but I have had to do it. Start processes that will mean more upheaval for me but It will all be to the good in the end...I hope.
Job interviews are still comming, which is good - I need to concentrate on those and hopefully will be back in employment soon, and then I can start to again with a fresh hand, and begin to pull myself out of what I am in now.
For now, My goals at the start stilll remain - I want to live for myself a bit, and have the best relationship I can with my girls that is what is important.
Three days internetless made me realize just HOW much it is important - jobsearch, and keeping in contact with those people who are so significant in my life, despite the shit, and the aggro, I can't lose those connections, those people who are there for me.right, job interview in a bit, so I have to gop, but will try and write on here a bit more - I have no anger about the things she is doing, just frustration, and a burning desire to se her caught out by her own lies - It will happen, she can't pull it of forever.