heres to the future

Well, wnet out last night, had fun, drunk lots, sat in the naughty corner and had a ciggie or two, and bloody enjoyed myself - it was nice to be relaxed again.

So, what am I thinking right now? do I feel alone? Well, NO, I don't. I know I have freinds that I can meet up with, new freinds. and the same old ones always there, so I don't feel alone - in fact, I feel less alone now than I did BEFORE the split.

So, what makes me feel strange....limbo. I am in a complete state of Limbo. I ned weds to be over, and the job situation to be resolved, so I can start to plan for myself and my future more. she is settled, and in a postion where she can move on and up, and I feel like the poor relation a bit - In the house still because it is all "in dispute"

Also, My relationship with....is growing deeper everytime we talk. and we do talk now - over the phone, not just online anymore - one more step forward.I can't make many concrete descisions about where I am going, without wondering id .... is going to be a part of that.whole new doors are opening there for both of us, and I do think that she is someone very special. we will have to see what is going to happen, But my thoughts are already looking to that possiblity.

whats, wheres and whys dominate at the moment, and I need no more curve balls to distract me from what I want.

roller coasters

Well, made a start on sorting the kitchen out today - we have agreed what i can get rid of and what she wants, and then I find a phot of the four of us together - me, her and the kids. Happy times, and I get upset. then the call from him - youngest has fallen over at school, and he has picked her up. I get annoyed by this - WHY - because that is my job I suppose. i got really shouty,, again, and i shouldn't have. I am trying to stop that. but once I started, I couldn't stop. I need to really apologise without the anger thing, I just felt replaced.I know I have had them all week, but even so, I can't just switch off.
I shouldn't have got angry It was over nothing






( I think I have too much testosterone, I need to get laid)

long time, no post

so much has happened since I have last blogged - All of it good, and I have had no time to update this.
Firstly, I have a second interview tommorw, it is a good job, and one I want, so I am hoping that it goes ok.

Secondly, My relationship with the ex and him is getting better - they have been round here, and we are really talking and freindly. I am sort of ok with it all now, but I am relaxing, and thinking Wu Wei, and. I think that well get better after the weekend though.

Why? because I am meeting someone for the first time "in the flesh" - I am really loking forward to it. Scary how quickly things have happened, and a long road to go, but It feels right.

Therapy

well, It is official, I now have a cousellor/ therapist. went to the first session just now, and immediatly started talking ans couldn't shut up.
The inevitable question - tell me about your childhood - started me off, and the reason why I turn into a tight ball of anger and rage was explored - I need more sessions, but the next one won't be for another month...i NEED IT NOW grr

So what else did we talk about...well my relationship with work, my relationship with G, but also what happened the other night, between me and V. how I am backing off, not becaise of I don't have those feelings, but because I don't want to inflict my temper on you.

The truth of the matter is, I don't know.

hmmm

I think that I am going to give it all up and become a hermit....

Tuesday, bloody Tuesday

Bloody hell, what happened yesterday. Everybody having a go at everybody else - Me and G, me and D, D,G and H, and me and V. Firstly the Me and them row - this was over what others had said - trying to dria a wedge between me and G - using the kids to do it. That pissed G off, and then when Dave daved, and Ronnie Ronnied, it all overspilled. but all patched up, and all freinds again. ( I sooo loved seeing all the kids again. it was special. and glad H and I have patched things up.)
Now to me and V. that was a row, but over, I think, the fact that she was off that a lot of my freinds are women. well, I'm sorry, Jo, Alison and G are my three best freinds, and nothin is gonna come in they way - its part of the whole package thing, I'm afraid. If you can't accept that, or can't accept that I can spend a few hours in the company of someone, and resist advances, the yah boo sucks to you. I am nnot gonna change. My freinds, as I have said earlier, are important to me, and If you take me on, you take them, by druidry, Alfies, as well.
I think, after a nights reflection, that it is for the best.
right, got to move my front room around to acommadate the new toy...

Tuesday eas